I have doubted God…

Hello, wonderful people!

I am in my writing chair at the moment — outside — enjoying the new weather. I wanted to let you know that I have enjoyed talking to you all more recently on social media. It always makes my day when you reach out. Anyways on to more of what I wanted to talk to you about today. 

Quarantine has got me thinking about lots. I mean, it’s a little nerve-wracking thinking about reentry, being out of work is weird but nice at the same time, and I have been spending lots of personal time with myself and family. I’m going to be honest with you… I lost it this past week. My head almost left my body, and my mind decided to run a marathon of my own. 

Let me tell you something somewhat personal about me. I’m flawed (shocker, right?). On a more serious note, I am a Christian who struggles sometimes with doubt. This is something that I do not see talked about a lot in mainstream Christian circles. My friend, I doubt God sometimes. For me, it’s not doubting his existence, but rather who he is at times. I abhor this about myself, but this is one of my flesh battles. It’s personal, and it happens. I am in the learning process, friends. 

I do not claim to be perfect, and I do not desire my persona towards you to be perfect. I have got my issues, and if anything, quarantine has shown me that more. I praise God for this. He has enough grace for me to show me where my sin gets in the way of his plan. My doubts have become invitations for me to know the God of the universe even more personally. I have doubted who God is before. This is a natural part of human existence, and it is a process of faith. 

“I have got my issues, and if anything, quarantine has shown me that more. I praise God for this.”

If you look in the Bible, we see all kinds of people that doubted or denied Jesus, and they were close to him! Peter, one of the greatest apostles, denied Jesus to the crowd of people (Luke 22:54-62). Thomas, a disciple of Jesus and later an apostle, doubted that it was Jesus standing before him after the resurrection (John 20:24-29). I highly suggest that you go and read those passages in the Bible. If you look at the story about Peter, when the rooster crowed, Peter wept bitterly. Thomas stopped in his tracts when he realized it was Jesus, and Jesus told him it was blessed for the people who had faith but did not need proof. 

Friends, for some of us, this is going to be something we struggle with. For me, it is because I have to think through everything to the point where I rely on logic too much. Faith is both. It is the spirit and the truth. If you want to know more about faith read through Hebrews. God doesn’t love us less, but he wants us to come to him. I challenge you if you find yourself doubting at this time to turn to God. He has answers for you, but you have to search for them too. It is not a one-way relationship. That’s what I am learning right now. My doubts don’t make me less of a Christian. The God of the Bible is the one and only living, active God, but I take my doubts as an invitation to know him better.

Miss you, friends. I can’t wait to interact with you in the world again.

Ashlyn

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